From soul to soulless: The best and the worst of Granada's nightlife

We have experienced the best and the worst of Granada's nightlife, in one night and with the same group of friends.

As always we begin with the positive, and so to cool Airplane-themed bar Aterriza Como Puedas ("Land however you can") with DJ Oscar. On certain Saturday nights he plays funk and soul 45s to a small but appreciative crowd on a downstairs dance floor.

Oscar effortlessly mixes classics like Gloria Jones' Tainted Love with more obscure Northern Soul numbers and a whole host of funk and disco records. It works well. Beats are matched. Everybody dances. When the bar starts to close at 4 am, everybody complains and demands 'one more tune'. This is always a good sign.

All that's needed here is a later finish and better advance publicity. It's obvious that Oscar puts the hours in. He has real talent and a record box to die for. His mate Jesús has also played at the same bar, and he too needs more exposure. (How about a Soul Allnighter sometime, lads? Watch this space!)

And so to Sugarpop, the lamest disco I have ever inadvertently stumbled into. The only positive things to say about this place are that the staff and crowd are friendly and that the central heating seems to work okay. The music is 'una mezcla' (a mixture of everything - as if this could ever be a good idea): imagine terrible rock and pop records from the 1980s and 1990s, including worthless B-sides, played in no discernible order at half-volume and with a nice gap between each one.

Whoever is choosing these records has no idea how music works or even what tunes will keep drunks happy. The 'sound system' is barely audible with no bass element whatsoever, and it's quite possible that the playlist is fixed in advance and played straight from a tape.

Look, at 5 am on a Sunday in a place where you have to pay to get in, the only music being played should be excellent dance music of one kind or another, not this lame shit. Question: How can someone who has clearly never danced to anything be allowed to work as a DJ? Does he or she get paid for this?

During a wasted hour at Sugarpop I heard just two or three ostensibly good records - something by the Killers, something by the Jam - but A Town Called Malice followed after a short pause by some heavy metal number and then by Friday I'm in Love by the Cure is just not funny.

Don't get me wrong, I've been to many kitsch Spanish clubs before (and, indeed, Chinese ones) where everyone laughs and dances along to native pop and daft songs by the Buggles and Gloria Gaynor; not my cup of tea but in those places everyone has a good time, for sure. And it's good sometimes to not take music too seriously (right, Ol?).

Sugarpop, however, is just a room full of bored people waiting for something to happen, with the world's crappiest jukebox for a DJ. I've had more fun waiting for a bus in the rain. If you visit me in Granada and I suggest going to Sugarpop 'for a laugh', take me outside and shoot me. But make sure I introduce you to DJ Oscar and his friends first! GG

Aterriza Como Puedas is on c/ Lavadero de las Tablas, (off c/ Tablas) and just 2 minutes' walk from Plaza Trinidad, central Granada. There is a separate bar upstairs and they sometimes show short films too.

Sugarpop is somewhere nearby, but who cares? Just stay in instead and randomly search YouTube for old pop videos: it's loads more fun and free, too.